


Explosions of Love

by thawrecka



Category: NSYNC
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Recreational Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-05-07
Updated: 2003-05-07
Packaged: 2019-07-29 00:47:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16253207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thawrecka/pseuds/thawrecka
Summary: AU. Justin is worried about JC and discovers that you can't escape your problems, even when you get really drunk. Also, there's a camel.





	Explosions of Love

**Author's Note:**

> This didn't happen, for which we are all very thankful. It didn't happen so much it's even an AU. This is the first thing I wrote after two months of crippling writer's block. It's kind of whacked. Also, totally inspired by the madness that is the video for BMU (the camel!) and by how much Justin looks like a gay dance instructor in the vid for "Rock Your Body". Characterisation may suck. The only reason there's a cat in this story is because my brother told me to put a cat in.

**Friday**

An important thing to know about JC was that he wasn't really all there. JC had never been completely there, but he'd gotten less there as time went on. By this point people were starting to wonder if he'd maybe had a nervous breakdown or just taken too many drugs or some such. He'd certainly been more there six months ago.

Justin was starting to really worry about JC because JC had recently quit his job and started hanging with a new crowd and hadn't called in nearly a month. JC always used to call and ramble for hours about jellyfish or asphalt or whatever struck his fancy. Justin was surprised to discover how much he missed that.

Justin worked as a dance instructor but he had Fridays and Sundays off so he decided to take one Friday and go talk to JC. Justin didn't like going to JC's new neighbourhood because everyone looked like they got dressed in the dark and the camel kind of freaked him out. Justin was willing to brave all this for JC, though.

Justin got up bright and early that morning, threw on the cheapest outfit he had in his wardrobe and ate a pop tart in the car. He soon got to the trailer park and parked his car under a tree, making extra sure it was locked and the windows were rolled up and his keys were in his pockets. When he was really sure he put his hands in his pockets and strolled up to Tara's snazzy trailer. Since he last saw it the door seemed to have been hand-painted with a veritable garden of flowers, which he was sure was due to JC.

Justin took a deep breath and knocked.

He heard a sound like a thud, then a muffled curse, and then Tara opened the door. When Justin had first met Tara he'd been shocked that there was anyone else that dressed as bad as JC. She'd looked kind of mad with her big, bright hair and overdone trashy make up. At this time of the morning with her face bare and wearing plain work clothes she looked kind of like a normal person.

"Hel-- What do you want, Justin? I'm late for work so make it quick," she grumbled.

"Um. Is JC in?" he asked.

"Yes, but he's still asleep."

"Can you..."

"He won't wake up until about lunchtime and I don't want to disturb him."

"Oh."

Tara disappeared back into the trailer to finish getting dressed and Justin stood there like an idiot. He poked his head in the door just as she was buttoning up her shirt and asked, "Do you want a lift to work?"

She appeared to consider for a moment before nodding her consent.

*

Justin parked behind the cinema. Tara said thanks and hopped out, rushing to the back entrance. After a moment's hesitation Justin got out as well.

"You're coming in?" Tara asked, incredulous.

"Might as well," Justin said, and shrugged. "Got nothing better to do."

Once inside she apologised to her boss and Justin wandered over to the snack bar.

The place was virtually deserted. Hardly anyone came here because it only showed bizarre art films and foreign films that made no sense. JC went there because he liked things with subtitles, but he was the only person Justin knew who did. JC once dragged him to see a film here -- it might have been Mexican -- about a circus or something that turned out to be really gross. Justin was so traumatised afterwards that he had to tell Chris who just laughed at him, even when he yelled, "Shut up."

Justin bought a tub of popcorn and a large coke and sat down on a bright red couch type thing in the foyer. He sat, cross-legged, and slowly ate and drank while Tara swept around him.

After a few hours the manager came in and told Tara to go home, with a long suffering sigh.

*

Tara gave instructions to a sleazoid diner she and JC frequented.

"Trailer trash paradise," Justin muttered under his breath as they entered.

Tara ordered a spearmint milkshake. They sat down by the window and he whipped out his mobile.

It rang for ages.

"'Lo?"

"Hey, Chris," Justin said.

"The fuck? Justin. Why are you calling me at work?"

"I just wanted to say hi, and, uh, I went to see JC," Justin said.

"Justin. Why are you telling me this?" Chris snapped.

"And JC was still asleep. So I'm with Tara right now and, hi," Justin continued.

Chris hung up. Tara drank her milkshake.

*

They drove back to the trailer park sometime close to midday. When they got out of the car they walked as slow as possible. They dawdled their way over to the trailer with its finger-painted flowers and Justin bounced on his heels as Tara let them in.

Inside JC was sleeping smushed against the couch, his hair everywhere. His legs were twisted up all strange, one over the armrest, and Tara's cat, Muffin, sprawled across his waist. It might have been Tara's cat but it only started being Tara's cat when JC started turning up and offering to feed it. JC and Muffin were like kindred souls -- sleepy and spazzy, with wild, crazy hair and strangely endearing even when they left fur all over your clothes.

Tara made a cup of (evil instant) coffee and held it underneath JC's nose. He slowly opened his eyes and smiled and she said, "Here, first drug of the day, sweetie."

JC struggled to untwist, sit up and grab the cup without disturbing Muffin. Justin looked on, vaguely amused.

JC sipped his coffee then blinked, saying, "Justin?"

"Yep," was the response.

JC shifted over on the couch to give Justin space, which woke up Muffin.

"Hey, man. Missed you," Justin said as he sat down.

"Me too," JC said. "That is, I missed you. I didn't miss me because I'm always with me."

Justin smirked. "Any reason you're sleeping on the couch?"

JC wrinkled his forehead, thinking. "I think I just fell here last night. I can't really remember that well."

"So, you actually do anything interesting lately or are you just hiding from the world?" Justin asked.

"We go out a lot, like, every night. And we go see movies. Tara's employee discount and all that. Sometimes we get let in free. Her boss really likes me," JC explained.

Justin wasn't surprised. Most people liked JC. It was kind of hard to not like him.

"What about you?" JC continued.

"Yeah, not a lot," Justin shrugged. "Still working at the same place. Still have the same friends. A girl in my Saturday class keeps hoping I'll forget I'm gay."

JC, curled up with his face in his mug, nearly choked in an attempt not to giggle, only managing to end up with tears in his eyes and coffee all over his hands. Tara, rolling her eyes, rushed over with a tissue and cleaned him up.

"Thank you," he choked out, as she kissed his forehead.

She perched herself on the armrest and leaned on him a little, ready with tissues just in case it happened again.

"I think I might have something going with this guy at a new club I've been going to," Justin said. "He's nice. He's cool. Even if Chris does keep bitching about it. Anyway, this guy, he's hot and fun and we've got, like, pet names for each other. It's good."

JC smiled brightly and leant over to hug Justin with one arm, while balancing his cup of coffee against the couch with the other. "I'm so happy for you," JC said, once he'd stopped squishing the breath out of Justin.

"Thanks, man," Justin said. He smiled a little and picked at the ends of his jeans, absent-minded. "And I think I might have had sex with Chris."

JC looked like he was going to choke again. Tara leaned in, looking concerned, but JC waved her away, rasping out, "I'm fine."

"So, watch anything good on TV lately?" Justin asked, extra perky.

JC took it for the subject change it was.

*

After a while Tara dragged JC off to the shower and Justin laughed to himself. He sat on the couch, twiddling his thumbs, and thought about calling Chris again. He decided against it.

He picked up the cat from the other end of the couch, and plonked it on his lap. He patted it and it purred and just sat there, being lazy and dumb.

Soon enough, JC emerged from the shower looking fluffy and clean. He was wearing some hideous brightly coloured denim thing that made Justin feel a lot better about his own dress sense, and smiling very wide. It almost looked like the smile was going to rip open his face.

JC bounced onto the couch and leaned against Justin, while patting the cat. Justin leaned toward him a little, as well, and tried not to breathe in JC's hair, lest he choke.

They talked for a while about inconsequential things.

*

In the afternoon Justin wanted to take JC and Tara out for late lunch. Nothing fancy, because he left most of his money at home and had already bought food twice today, so he stopped in at a McDonalds.

Tara chose the healthiest looking thing on the menu, JC went for the kid's meal and Justin went for a large big Mac meal with an extra big Mac. He flirted with the guy at the front counter as he placed the order.

JC wanted to go in the playground, and pouted when Tara wouldn't let him.

They ate outside, as the sun set, watching the afternoon traffic pass. Justin giggled as JC attempted to construct the toy and failed. Tara laughed and fell against him, and they both looked like happy children under the warm, orange sky.

Justin sipped his cold drink.

When Tara went to the bathroom Justin shuffled closer to JC and said, "So, hey."

"Yeah?" JC replied.

"You and Tara were tremendously unsubtle earlier with the shower," Justin said.

"Oh no, that's just to conserve water," JC said, earnest.

Justin snickered.

"No really," JC said. "Like, see, the water's all nice and warm and pretty and sometimes I get distracted and get all wrinkly. And once I kind of stayed in there so long she got worried, and I kind of fell asleep. And she shouted and had to break the door open and was worried I might be dead. So it really is to conserve water that we shower together."

Justin was really worried about JC.

*

When they got back to the trailer JC was really jumpy. It was like he had snorted sugar (which for all Justin knew he had). He was practically bouncing off the walls, which was clearly driving Tara absolutely insane.

"Feed the cat," she commanded, pointing at Muffin.

JC rushed about and did as she said and Tara went into the bedroom and began to change.

"Hey, Justin," JC said, as he rushed about. "Do you want to come with us tonight?"

"Yeah? Cool. I'll just quickly go home and get changed then come back here," Justin replied.

*

Justin walked back to his car, the night cool around him.

Once at home, Justin checked his messages. Two from his mother, one from Nelly, but a big glaring nothing from Chris.

He ate a fat, healthy sandwich, had a cup of coffee and wandered into his room.

He kept his jeans on, but changed his shirt and put on a shiny black and blue jacket. He put his keys and wallet safely in a zip pocket and jogged outside to his car.

*

When he got back, Tara answered the door. On the top half she was dressed as tragically as usual, in a shiny, silvery pastel thing cut on the bias. There was beading across the top and a weird strappy thing happening at the back. The skirt, on the other hand, was simple, black and short, and the boots laced up to the knee. Her hair was loose and wavy and looked kind of pretty and her face even looked kind of soft, lipstick shimmery and pale to match the dress. Her eye make-up was simple, even. Justin wished she could look like this more often.

Justin smiled at her as she let him in, and she beamed back. He thought she looked kind of stoned.

Inside, JC was calmer than before. He was sitting cross-legged on the couch, eating an apple as the cat napped next to him. His jacket and pants had glittery stars on them. His hair was, at least, out of his face.

JC bounced off the couch when he saw Justin, and wrapped his arms around him, planting a sloppy, apple flavoured kiss on the side of Justin's face.

"Justin, you look so good," JC said.

"Thanks, man. You too," Justin laughed, untangling himself from the hug.

"We all ready?" Tara asked.

"Yep," JC answered, taking a last bite of his apple. "Wanna walk?"

"Walk?" Justin questioned. "Where's your car?"

"Sold it," JC replied. "I needed the money."

"Fine, we'll take my car 'cause there's no way I'm walking," Justin grumbled. "Just, you know, give good instructions."

They walked out the trailer, Tara locking up tight behind them. She walked over and put her house key in one of JC's many pockets.

Tara got in the front passenger seat, citing her ability to give reasonable instructions as the reason. JC crossed his arms and moped for a moment, before slamming the back door and strapping himself in.

*

It was true that Tara gave better instructions than JC, but that wouldn't have taken much. They rolled up to the place Tara and JC liked to hang out nights and Justin parked. He exited the car, looking around sceptically. It was the car park by the diner, pretty much, except now there were lights and a marching band.

At least there was the DJ, looking kind of cool at the turntables. Next to him was, of course, the camel. Justin didn't want to know why the guy had a camel, or why he brought it here. At least it wasn't spitting and smelling the way camels usually do. It was just there, wandering out, never leaving the guy's sight. Strange.

There was a fire burning in a barrel, and people just hanging about everywhere. JC bounced about, talking to people around him. Clearly this is where he and Tara had been all the time for the last few months. Some guy gave JC something, put it on his tongue, finger in his mouth like something intimate and familiar.

Justin wandered slowly, Tara bumping him forward. She went off somewhere to get a drink, and Justin came up behind JC, who seemed to be sharing a joint with some people.

*

Later in the night there were monster trucks.

"JC, there's a marching band and monster trucks," Justin said.

JC giggled. "Yes, there is."

"In what universe does this place, or you coming here, make any sense?" Justin asked, frustrated.

"Well, see, it's just, it's cool. Don't you think so? And, so, I like it, and therefore come here. A lot. A lot a lot," JC rambled.

JC's eyes were really big and round and dark - Mickey Mouse eyes.

"Vroom," JC said, and laughed, somewhat hysterically.

"Um," Justin said, blinking.

*

JC grabbed Tara's arm and peered at it. She looked at him funny.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm looking at your nails," he answered.

He moved her fingers about, looking at the way the bright red nails gleamed in the light.

"You are very strange, JC," she said. "Very strange."

He finally let her hand go.

"I'm not even going to ask," Justin said.

"Her nails are red, like fire engines all loud and shiny."

"Um, yeah, OK."

*

Justin didn't know how he let JC talk him into letting this happen.

Justin couldn't believe JC was drag racing, of all things, in his car. Not that Justin hadn't done it before, but still.

He and Tara stood off to the sidelines and watched JC ready himself. JC looked very serious and focused, the way he used to get about his work back in the day. It freaked Justin out to see this glimpse of the old JC.

The other guy looked amused by his competition, like he seriously thought JC didn't have a chance in hell. Justin was kind of pissed on JC's behalf, even though he didn't think JC had a chance, either.

The girl in the middle waved her flag and someone off to the side blew a whistle or something and they were off and racing. Surprisingly, JC didn't suck at this. He was totally going to win, it seemed, but Justin was suddenly very worried for his car.

JC got to the end point first, with a loud screech of tires that made Justin wince. He got out of the car all casual and calm and with all the slinky sex appeal he ever possessed.

Justin and Tara moved their way toward JC. The other guy got out of his car and looked embarrassed and sheepish, which made Justin want to laugh.

Tara jumped up and JC caught her. She wrapped herself around him and they twirled and giggled. Justin thought it was insanely, disturbingly cute. He thought about calling Chris again.

"That was cool, man," he managed.

"Thanks, Justin," JC said, beaming. He and Tara twirled around again, then rested against the hood of the car.

"My car's not going to be too fucked, is it?" Justin asked, hopefully.

"No, it's good. Just this once, and all that," JC replied.

Justin breathed a deep sigh of relief.

*

As they left Justin tried not to look at the camel.

They ate at the diner at 4am, greasy food Justin could feel clogging up his arteries. JC fed him a chip and Justin licked the salt off his fingers. One of them was laughing breathlessly.

They drove back to the trailer, still totally wired. JC turned on the radio and they all danced. Justin put his hands on JC's hips and just moved with him and it felt like old times.

At some point after sunrise Justin fell asleep against the couch, even though JC and Tara were still jumping about and laughing.

* * *

**Saturday**

When JC shook him awake Justin felt like his eyes were nearly glued shut.

"Hey, man, wake up," JC said, as Justin tried to clear his eyes.

"'Time is it?" Justin mumbled.

JC checked his watch. "About 10:30."

"Shit," Justin cursed, bolting up from the floor. "I'm going to be so late for work."

He rushed out of the trailer, yelling bye.

*

Justin very quickly showered and got changed when he got home, then rushed to the studio. When he got there he let everyone in, apologising profusely. He led them through a very half-assed half-hour of instruction before giving up. He left a sign on the door claiming he had a weird tropical disease and was unable to teach, then drove back home. He just hoped none of his students would defect to Britney's.

When he called Chris there was no answer.

*

Justin returned to the trailer in the afternoon. JC looked surprised when he opened the door.

"I just thought it'd be cool to see you," Justin offered as explanation, and shrugged.

JC smiled, wide and giddy, and let him in.

They sat down on the couch. JC looked at Justin with all his focus, the way he tended to when he'd been awake for more than a day.

"So, what's wrong with you?" JC asked.

"What?!"

"Well, I mean, you're here two days in a row. Something's got to be wrong."

"No. I just wanted to see you," Justin said. JC looked sceptical. "I didn't hear from you for nearly a month. You didn't call or anything. I just missed you yesterday and today I'm making up for lost time."

JC seemed fairly satisfied.

"Why didn't you call for so long?" Justin asked.

"Well, like, I got distracted. Yeah. And, you know, you could have called me too, put some effort in. I started to think I wasn't worth it to you, like, I don't know, you were sick of my voice," JC explained.

"No, I wasn't," Justin protested.

"And, also, I don't want to ring up too high a phone bill. Can't really afford it, and all that," JC continued.

"Oh, OK," Justin said. "Tara at work?"

"Yeah. So you maybe got freaky with Chris, huh?" JC asked.

"I didn't think you remembered that bit."

"Big thing like that? 'Course. Tell me all about it, graphic detail." It was disturbing how interested in this JC looked.

"I don't remember much. We were out. I was a bit drunk. He looked really hot. We woke up tangled in a mess in the back of his car," Justin said.

Well, maybe he remembered a little bit more. Like pressing up against Chris and flirting with all he had. Like waking up warm and gross as the sun streamed through the window with their fingers intertwined. Like freaking out and yelling and running home.

"Anyway, he's not talking to me now," Justin concluded.

"That's gotta suck. Hope this doesn't screw your friendship too bad. Like with that thing with Britney, hope it doesn't end like that."

Justin winced at the mention of the Britney badness. Britney used to a good friend of his - in fact they owned a dance studio together. It was pretty cool, until they both slept with the receptionist and had the mother of all arguments. She defaced his car and he broke into her house and he was really just trying to put it behind him.

There was no way he was letting anything like that happen with Chris.

"Don't even mention that," Justin pleaded. "It'll all be fine."

*

JC took Justin out again that night. Justin didn't want to see monster trucks and the marching band again, so they went to a club, a place Justin liked. Justin managed not to run into anyone he knew.

JC drank a lot. Justin chatted up the bartender -- some skinny guy called Pharrell -- a bit.

"What happened to your friend?" Pharrell asked.

"Which one?" Justin laughed.

"The short one with the dark hair, you know who I'm talking about. He hasn't come here with you for a while," Pharrell said.

"Yeah. I think he's avoiding me. Or something. I don't know," Justin said.

"Ooh. Can you give me another one of those things with the pineapple juice in it? It tasted sparkly," JC said.

"Sure."

Justin smirked at JC, who bounced on the spot next to him.

*

A few minutes later JC was on the dance floor, looking like he ought to be a stripper.

Pharrell came towards Justin and whispered, "Your friend, is he all right?"

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing. Not what I came to tell you. Britney just turned up." Pharrell pointed at the other end of the room, where Britney was surreptitiously looking around.

"Thanks," Justin said, and went to collect JC.

He got into the middle of the dance floor where JC was doing his thing, and tugged on his arm.

"C? We got to go," Justin said. "Britney's here."

"But I like Britney. She sparkles."

"Great. Plenty of sparkly people in other places. Come on."

Eventually JC acquiesced.

*

"We could go see Lance and Joey," JC suggested as he stumbled against Justin. "They're plenty shiny. And smooth."

"No, come on. It's not that far," Justin pleaded.

*

Justin dragged JC into a bar. They drank copious amounts of alcohol. Justin wasn't sure he'd intended to drink that much, but JC had this way of making him do things that deviated from his plans.

Justin remembered laughing about something on The Simpsons, but he didn't remember how they got home. He thought, maybe, he might have left an embarrassing message on Chris's machine.

* * *

**Sunday**

Justin woke up on the couch. Apparently someone had put a blanket over him during the night. He figured it must have been Tara, because JC had been barely coherent enough to stand upright.

When he sat up, Justin felt like someone had banged his head against a gong. He squinched his face up, hoping it would go away. Of course, it didn't.

Justin stood up and moved towards the tiny kitchen area. Tara was leaned over the counter, drinking coffee silently. She looked tired, exhausted even, and thin, like the skin was stretched over her bones.

"Um," Justin said, and his voice jarred with the quiet of the room. "I'm sorry about last night. I hope we weren't too loud."

She looked up at him, and her eyes looked dark and sunken. She almost smiled.

"Do you want a cup of coffee?" she asked.

"That would be very nice," he answered.

*

Apparently JC dressed better when he had a massive hangover. He was wearing jeans and a red t-shirt, with a black jacket. Granted, he was wearing a bucket hat and his hair was a mess, but it was better than his usual outfits that looked like they were designed during a drug hallucination. He scowled at everything from under his hat, which was fairly ineffective.

He stomped about, making himself a cup of coffee and refusing to even look at anyone until he'd drunk it all.

*

"Come on. I'll take you out for lunch," Justin offered.

"You don't need to flash your money around, Justin. I get it. We're trailer trash. You don't need to..." JC said.

"You wouldn't have the problem if you'd just get a job!" Justin yelled.

"It's not that easy. You don't know what it's been like the last few months."

"Of course not. You won't tell me. You won't tell anyone. You've been hiding here hoping the world will go away. You know what, JC, it won't. It'll just keep getting worse."

"Oh, because your way of dealing with things works so well."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Justin called out.

JC ignored him and stomped outside.

*

JC squirmed on the step and smoked, hat pulled low on his head. He seemed covered from head to toe, his hair was everywhere, and he was hunched over on himself. He looked like he wanted to sink into the step.

"Moody," Tara grumbled.

JC ignored her, blowing smoke everywhere. From where Justin looked, they both looked thin and stretched.

The sky was grey and miserable, threatening weekend rain. Justin thought about calling Chris again, but felt he'd been yelled at enough today.

JC finished his cigarette, and stubbed it out on the step, crushing it underfoot. He went inside and picked up Muffin, looking for the cat food. He rifled through the fridge until he found the half-used tin, then glopped it out onto a plate with a fish knife. The cat ate up the disgusting looking jelly stuff, and Justin looked away, though about how insane Chris' dog would go if he went over there smelling like cat.

He decided to go over there anyway.

*

Justin knocked on the door and waited patiently; hoping Chris would actually answer. He did. Justin couldn't figure out what the expression on his face meant.

"Hey," Justin said.

"Hey," Chris replied. "So, it's hard to be immature and avoid you when you turn up on my doorstep."

"That's kind of the point." Justin took a deep breath. "So, I know that I freaked out and ran off and I'm sorry, but you could at least speak to me. You know?"

"Yeah, well, I thought you were ashamed of me. Or something. I needed the manly solitude. For the not so manly freaking out," Chris explained. "And, I know it should never have happened..."

"It shouldn't? I was that bad?" Justin asked.

"What?"

"Because I don't remember anything, what with the drunkenness and all, but, like, I'm usually pretty good. No, really. Everyone says. It's not just ego," Justin said.

"Um, OK, but didn't you have that thing with the guy with the shiny robot teeth?" Chris asked.

"Kind of, but it's not like it's serious, or anything. And, hello, you are way hotter than he is," Justin replied.

"First, you are clearly blind. Second, I'm kind of lost. You wanted..." Chris began.

"Oh, I wanted. I wanted for a long time. It's OK if you don't. I'll, like deal or whatever," Justin said.

"I wanted. I still want. I just didn't think you did," Chris said.

"I wasn't exactly subtle."

"Yeah, well, sometimes I'm about as sharp as a bowling ball."

They just kind of stood there looking at each other for a moment.

"So, you want to actually come in? We could try it again sober," Chris offered.

Justin nodded enthusiastically.

THE MUSHY AMBIGUOUS ENDING


End file.
